


FLAMINGO LINGO

by Cat_Paw, Chimchiri



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Paw/pseuds/Cat_Paw, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimchiri/pseuds/Chimchiri
Summary: "So we went with Domino to Las Vegas on her annual winning spree, wandered off, got lost, had the night of our lifes, got married and don't really remember much of it. Fucking figures! I bet there were strippers, Cable. Lots of strippers!"
Relationships: Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58





	FLAMINGO LINGO

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday gift for the lovely meinctutw on tumblr.  
> I'm still so amazed chimchiri decided to work together with me and draw some incredible artworks in such a short amount of time.
> 
> This is the first of two or three parts and hopefully the others won't be just as long as this one and be much faster written. I had a lot of fun with this silly idea and maybe you do too. :)

"Urgh."

  
Light snoring reached Wade's ear and warm puffs of air kept dragging his brain back to consciousness. He felt warm except for his freezing left foot that was hanging out of the comforter. And one of his arms had fallen asleep and now felt like a stranger's. Wade rolled forward, eyes still closed, and tried to turn around and off his no longer responding arm. When flailing around a bit didn't work, he rolled backwards into another warm body and bumped the back of his head against something hard.

  
"Ouch, what the fuck, Ness?!"

  
The person behind him grumbled and that certainly didn't sound like Ness. Who in the hell?

  
Wade opened his eyes. Ness had been dead for over a year now, said her final goodbyes and moved on into the afterlife. Without Wade. Not that he wasn't happy for his girl - he certainly was - but her departure had left him rather lonely. Well, not anymore it seemed.

  
Wade wondered for a second who he had fallen into bed with. Was is that cute redhead from the X-Men? No, not Jean Grey, guys! The other hot redhead - Siryn. Wade had had a thing with her in the comics so it wasn't a completely bonkers idea that maybe he had gotten lucky here as well. The only problem was that he didn't remember ever meeting her - or really remembered anything at all.

  
While the comics were very inconsistent on whether he could get drunk if he just drank enough or not, his movies seemed to have made him able to still get shitfaced, even if it required a lot of commitment and money. Good for Wade, bad for Wade's already shitty memory.

  
So who had decided to join him on his noble quest to get drunk as a skunk and why? The grumble had certainly seemed male and the very hard thing his head had been hit on, had sadly not been a dick. So male, with very hard skin...Had he finally broken his promise to Ness and slept with Colossus?

  
Wade suddenly remembered that he just had to turn around to figure everything out. Well not everything but certainly who his mysterious sleeping partner was.

  
His still numb arm didn't help matters at all and after some moving around in a very undignified way, Wade had finally moved around to the other side and stared right into Cable's scarred face that for once didn't look like his former enemy wanted to murder him. Cable looked actually kinda cute like this. In his very own gruff 'grrrr, I'm a soldier from the future and hate everything fun and pretty' way. Not that Wade thought so of course. Except that he must have last night. Wade shifted around under the covers and yep - no underwear. So he must have thought Cable to be cute very much last night. Fucking figured. He finally managed to get that shiny metal ass into bed and he couldn't remember a single thing.

  
Now turned around, Wade could see that he must have hit his head on Cable's left arm. Whilst deadly, the techno-organic virus was a beauty to look at. Cable kept getting irritated by Wade's weird fixation on it but had the older man ever taken a closer glance at it? It looked so cool! Like something straight out of a sci-fi movie which it kind of was, being from the future and everything. It just wasn't fair that Cable's terminal illness was allowed to look like the wet dream of James Cameron and H.R. Giger combined while Wade's entire body had to look like the melted reject mask of Michael Meyers. Wade could hear a faint whirring noise coming from one of the tiny gears amidst the strands and ropes of metal flesh that made up the entirety of the human-looking arm, making a shiver run down his spine at the faint memory of having that noise right next to his ear last night when Cable had loomed above him. Pretty big feat for such a short guy but Wade had certainly loved the view.

  
Which left him to wonder what the fuck had happened last night.

  
"Wait, this is not like one of these Hangover movies, is it?"

  
He certainly hoped it wasn't. He hated these movies. Unfunniest 100 minutes of his life. And these included his favorite torture asshole Francis.

  
Wade suddenly sat up which caused Cable to grumble some more and curl his metal arm closer to his broad and very naked chest.

  
The hotel room looked normal enough though. No shattered vases, no ripped curtains, no suspicious stains on the blanket. But that didn't mean that nothing weird whatsoever had happened.

  
"Did we steal a tiger?"

  
Having remembered the only good part form the Hangover movies, Wade quickly moved out of bed, Cable making a weird grabbing motion which Wade ignored, and moved towards the bathroom. His feet made a fun patting noise on the tiles and Wade was busy hopping from one foot to the other before he remembered what he was here for. But Nope. No tiger.

  
"Damn, I had myself really hyped up for that one."

  
The only thing he found were a few pink feathers on the ground. Did they entertain some strippers last night? He leaned back against the tiled wall but regretted it quickly with how cold it was. No tiger and only the vage idea that maybe strippers had been involved in last night.

  
"Now I just feel like after the latest Terminator movie - heavily disappointed but still weirdly aroused."  
Still chattering to himself, Wade left the sadly tiger-free bathroom.

  
Cable was still lying in bed but now his metal arm was outstretched into the still slightly warm space Wade had occupied just a few minutes earlier.

  
Wade was pretty good at ignoring things. He really should get a metal for all the mental gymnastics he did lately. A silver at least. No one wanted to be the loser who had gotten stuck with bronze.

  
Wade made the mistake of looking down at his own naked body and grimaced in disgust. Just how drunk must Cable have been to willingly have sex with this freak show? Wade really needed to get dressed as quickly as possible before he _himself_ had to throw up from seeing this. He did a quick search for his suit but only found a red hoodie, his pants, and underwear neatly folded on top of a chair, Cable's clothes right next to them. Yeah, that had certainly not been Wade. And kind of weird how Cable had still been able to do this after being drunk of his ass the night before. Really made him wonder what the old guy had been up to in this apocalyptic future of his.

  
Wade threw another glance at Cable and continued talking to turn his thought process away from the other man. Back to people he was definitely interested in.

  
"The things Linda Hamilton made me want to do to myself are probably illegal in 16 different states. But I could never say no to a feisty cougar who knows her way around a gun. Meow!" He rambled on while getting dressed. But the last word must have been a bit too loud for the at least dozing person in the room.

  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"

  
Cable's voice was still hoarse from just waking up and did things to Wade's libido he was not willing to admit to right now.

  
An awkward silence hang in the room until Cable cleared his throat a few times and added a halfhearted "Fuckstick.".

  
That at least Wade knew how to reply to.

  
"Woah! Someone seems to be way too hungover to even be mean this morning."

  
A quick look through the still closed curtains told him he was a bit off on his guess.

  
"Nope – afternoon."

Cable made a huffing noise that certainly wasn’t cute no matted how confused Wade’s brain was at the moment and before his former nemesis could get any warning, Wade ripped open the curtains to let the sun shine straight into Cable's face.

  
"Urgh! Fuck!"

  
"The sun loves you too, honeybunch."

  
Showed him for making Wade feel things he wasn't willing to feel.

After a few actual threats on Wade's life, Cable had gotten up as well and moved out of the bed and into the bathroom that was still tigerless. Wade just didn't want to give up all hope on that one yet. The day was still young and all that. Cable took a long shower which Wade certainly hadn't and now kind of regretted - he was quite sure there were some spots on his back that kept feeling weird which implied something he'd rather not think about. So as long as Cable remained in the shower, Wade tried to get whatever it was off his back and when his nails came away with some milky white crust under them, he pulled a disgusted face.

"Ewww. As fun as the first part is, as disgusting is the clean up the next day."

The old man had folded their clothes, for Christ's sake! Couldn't he at least have run his shirt over Wade's back to clean up his own mess? Seriously, that guy! No common courtesy. Wade would have done so. Okay, he totally wouldn't have but he was Deadpool. No one expected him to do anything responsible. But Cable was supposed to be the grownup one of the two of them. He folded his socks for crying out loud! If that wasn't boring grownup bullshit, Wade didn't know what was.

The bathroom door opened and Cable stepped back out again as if he was ready for a porn shoot. He wasn't even wearing a shirt! He also must have found the tiniest white towel in existence and claimed ownership on it because it was currently wrapped around his waist and all of Wade's lower region brain functions prayed to whatever deity willing to listen for Cable to accidentally trip and the sight-obstructing towel to fall down. Wade was disappointed for the second time this morning when that didn't happen.

Cable shuffled over to the chair with his own clothes on it, flicked away another pink feather with an annoyed face but before he could get rid of the towel, the flicking motion made Wade notice something on Cable's left hand.

"Did you get hitched last night, Cable?"

After all it was Las Vegas where the favorite trope of every rom com ever was that someone got accidentally married and had to find the other person to get a divorce as quickly as possible. Wade started laughing like an asthmatic hyena and ignored Cable's death glare.

"Jesus, how oblivious can you be?"

Wade stopped laughing because in that very moment, he had also realized something. Wade had had sex with Cable. Cable had gotten drunk Vegas married to someone yesterday night. Cable had slept with Wade. Did they-?!

"Fuck no!"

Wade's left ring finger had the golden twin to Cable's own piece of jewelry. How had Wade been able to miss this?!

"So we went with Domino to Las Vegas on her annual winning spree, wandered off, got lost, had the night of our lifes, got married and don't really remember much of it. Fucking figures! I bet there were strippers, Cable. Lots of strippers!"

Wade didn't need to look at Cable to know he was rolling his face and pulling off his 'I can't believe I'm willingly spending time with you' bitch face. Oh well, some things just couldn't be helped. Cable being annoyed by Wade being one of these.

"I don't think you're understanding the gravitas of the situation, Cable. Very attractive women being perved on by a room full of straight men but goddammit they gotta put themselves through college somehow!"

"And I don't think you're focusing on the actual issue here."

Cable opened the door to the hotel and held it open for Wade and look who was suddenly capable of acting like a gentleman! Wade could have used that a few hours ago.

The hotel itself was a bit on the cheaper side to put it mildly. Wade would actually like to describe it as a shithole. But Dom hat won an entire week's stay for three people there and that settled where they were going to stay. Wouldn't take long for the female mutant to find something better. He would bet she was already situated in a noble 5 star hotel with champagne and a Jacuzzi in the middle of the living room to lay back and stare at all the flickering lights and neon ads far above the tiny people on the streets. Wade was almost willing to start believing in her stupid luck powers.

The bored-looking man behind the reception didn't even glance in their direction when they walked in and kept tapping on his phone. The desk looked old and badly scratched from all its years of usage, dark spots and rings on its surface that were hopefully coffee, the erstwhile light creamy color now a dirty grey-beige, the sole phone on the counter a nasty orange that had been a hit back then in the 80's. Yep, a shithole alright.

"We're looking for our friend."

Once again, the guy didn't even look up. Which considering Cable's bulk, deep voice and usual facial expression was actually quite impressive. Though Wade was pretty sure Cable would have ended the poor bastard for this kind of behavior just a few months ago. He did look kind of intimidating even with his tight black shirt, cargo pants and his stupid haircut and even stupider green hipster infinity scarf he had bought a few months ago.

"Don't know any friends." was the bored reply and this time, Wade could see Cable's eye twitch. Before his buddy got them both arrested for manslaughter, Wade stepped in.

"Black lady, white spot over her left eye, coolest afro hairdo you've ever seen?"

Wade looked down and he could see what the guy was looking at on his screen and half-read some upside down headline ‘-len from Wildlife Habitat!’ before focusing on his objective again.

"Oh that one." Figured that people would remember her. Wade couldn't even fault him for that one. Domino was really nice to look at and even more badass. Of course, this guy would notice her.

"She left with the two of you yesterday evening."

"And she hasn't come back here since?" Cable asked and the desk guy look at him like he was mentally unstable.

"Shouldn't you be the one to know that? What? Did you lose her during your bachelor party?"

He motioned towards the golden ring on Cable's hand who balled it into a loose fist and slowly pulled it back and into his jacket pocket.

Wade quickly hid his own in his hoodie's front pocket and his fingers curled around another feather.

Outside of the hotel Wade kind of lost it and Cable was obviously confused. The time traveler tried to keep up with whatever Wade was talking about but without some serious knowledge about the modern (or in his case ancient) pop culture, he was completely lost.

"Oh my good. This is just like Hangover!"

"What hangover? Is this one of your movies?"

Cable pulled one of his adorable confused faces which Wade promptly ignored before it gave him these unwanted feelings again and barreled on.

"We lost Domino, someone got married and we don't remember any of it." Wade listed on one hand. "So which one of us got the horrible tattoo? Can't be me because it wouldn't stick." Then he turned around to Cable with a sly grin. "So what did you choose? A nice black and white version of lip balm? The biggest gun the tattoo artist could fit on your body? The word 'mum' in a heart like the big bad soldier you are?"

Sure. He hadn't seen any tattoo but that didn't mean there wasn't anything there. After all Cable hadn't been completely naked and he had only really seen his left metal half where any tattoo would be hard to place.

“None of your business,” Was the rough reply but it only made Wade want to know Cable’s secret even more. He would just have to keep pushing and the older man would cave in like Wade’s knees after his first blowjob.

  
Domino, who had told them her real name was Neena, stood arms crossed over her chest in the little room Wade and Nathan were going to be sharing for the next week and looked every bit the part as a mother speaking to her two crack-brained children.

"Okay boys, this is the plan: I can't take another second of your weird courting behavior with each other. So while I'm roaming through the casinos of this city with Tyche on my side, you two are going to figure your shit out."

As per usual, Wade's brain got stuck on the wrong detail.

"Who in the what now?" Pulling of a confused face without any eyebrows was a bit difficult but Wade still pulled it off flawlessly. He'd had a lot of time practicing after all.

"Tyche is the Greek goddess of luck." Cable grumbled next to him and look who was coming out to play: Bitchface #4. And you bet Wade had started counting them all by now!

"How the hell do you know that but not who Willy Wonka is?!"

"Because I'm not a complete imbecile, asshat."

Neena made a disgusted noise.

"See? This is exactly what I mean." She loosened her posture and gestured in their direction. "Your aggressive alpha male bullshit is going on my last nerve. Either get drunk and fuck each other or get over it. You have a whole city full of booze and every other sin in the western world right at your finger tips. Have fun."

The night after that was mostly a blur and Wade remembered only little bits and pieces by now. So by trusting his knowledge about movie tropes, the had to retrace their footsteps from last night to find their missing friend. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Or more like 'stressed depressed lemon zest'. Not that it had come to that yet but the day was still young as they said.

"So we started our journey into the land of funsies and questionable moral decisions here at this very hotel. And I think I remember where we went next."

Cable didn't look so sure about Wade's comment but kept quiet. So off they went in the hopefully right direction towards the first bar Wade remembered.

"I'm sure there was something with snakes in the name" He tried to recall. "And a plane. Oh no wait. Never mind. That was a movie." Wade tried to think of the bar's name again. "Snakes and…"

"Snakes and ladders?"

He perked up.

"Yes! That's the one! Do you remember something?"

That question earned Wade a huff.

"No. But I'm able to read."

Cable signed toward a big bright green neon sign just above their heads.

"Well, that's cheating." Wade pouted.

The bar looked a bit better on the inside than on the outside. Right now in the middle of the afternoon, there weren't many patrons around seeing as the place had just opened an hour ago. The interior would have looked more at home at on of these old diners that Ness used to love going to and Wade immediately threw that thought back into the far away corner of his brain it had come from. While thinking about his dead girlfriend didn't hurt as much as it used to, he still felt pretty shitty about what had happened to her and a part of him would always love her. She was his _forever girl_ after all. And marrying the short and stoic super soldier from the future after only a year after her passing didn't make him feel any less guilty. Couldn't his broken impulse control issues have waited a bit longer to come up with this extremely stupid idea? Wade didn't even want to think about the awkward divorce conversation he and Cable were going to have as soon as they found Domino. She would be able to help them get rid of this as fast as possible. Maybe it wasn't even legal in the first place or the pastor had been an impostor without a license or Cable had just been too drunk to consent to the wedding and wasn't that a horribly creepy thought? Once again Wade wondered how all of this had happened. Maybe they would find their answer here but with his knowledge about the most used TV tropes, he already doubted they were going to find anything useful before the third act and would be stuck in 'What the fuck is going on' land a bit longer.

A few booths with stereotypical 50s red diner bench seats and tables were spread around the room, the bar looked like it came straight from a Grease set and Wade would not be surprised if the barman would even use terms like 'bee's knees' and 'Cowabunga' unironically. The name and the interior of the establishment did absolutely _not_ go together. For a moment he wondered whether they actually sold alcohol or if that was just decoration but considering that his brain was still mostly AWOL after coming to this place last night, he might be wrong about that quick assumption. And was that an actual jukebox in the corner?

So while Wade busied himself with the most important thing in the bar, Cable walked up towards the bartender who was currently cleaning a glass and wow, how cliche could you get? As soon as he spotted them, the bartender gave Cable the stink eye.

"Oh, it's _you_."

"I take it you're not happy to see us again?"

That must have been an understatement judging by the expression the other guy wore. If looks could kill, even Cable's future tech shield wouldn't be able to protect him this time around and he'd tried to kill a teenager before.

"You could say that…"

All the while, Wade checked out the awesome music collection the jukebox had and one song in particular caught his attention. It wasn't one he usually liked but for some reason, Wade suddenly became very giddy upon discovering it.

"They got 'What's new pussycat'!"

"Oh god, not again!" A sudden cry of despair could be heard from the guy behind the bar and the cleaned glass landed on the floor in a loud crash.

"What do you mean not again?"

Now Cable was really curious and wouldn't be satisfied with cryptic answers any longer.

The bartender seemed to be able to tell. Couldn't be the first time two guys got totally smashed at his place, wound up married and tried to figure it all out by coming back here the next day. Or so Wade thought at least.

"Your friend played that song 21 times yesterday! _Twenty_ . _One_ . _Times_. I had patrons flee this establishment after they went berserk on the furniture! I couldn’t just turn it off because the plug is inside the wall."

Cable looked around the place and noticed a distinct lack of broken chairs and tables.

"The place looks pretty good then."

Wade could help but snort at that picture. Definitely sounded like something he would do if he was bored. Maybe throw in an 'It's not unusual' after the sixth time just be completely on the sadistic side. Now he was really disappointed he couldn't remember that part of their night.

"I had most of the broken furnishings replaced just a few hours ago. And I will not let you destroy them again."

You might think that the owner of a bar in Las Vegas may be used to a little destruction of property so it must have been one hell of a starter of the night.

Cable held up his hands in a defensive manner to hopefully signal the other that he meant no further harm.

"If we leave again as quickly as we came will you answer a few questions for us? We have a bit of a problem."

The bartender eyed him warily but then bend down to pick up the pieces of glass at his feet. When he had gotten rid of them in the nearest trash can, he answered. "Oh, I bet. Your friend over there drank two entire bottles of Tequila under 5 minutes. It's a miracle he's still alive."

Said friend was currently punching some numbers into the little instrument of terror he'd used last night.

"Hands off the jukebox, Wade!"

Wade's hands immediately flew up as if he had already been expecting Cable to call him out on it and knowing Wade, he probably had. What had he come up with this time?

"Okay, okay. I'm not touching it anymore."

Wade turned around and leaned his ass and lower back against the jukebox while Cable turned back to the bartender who seemed almost grateful.

"We're searching for our friend and hoped that maybe she had came through here."

Sadly the bartender hadn't seen Neena either but he had heard where the two of them had wanted to go next. Of course he had. Because otherwise this whole weird goose chase would already be over, wouldn't it?

Once they were outside, Cable fixed Wade with a stern look.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Wade looked down at his fingernails as if they had suddenly turned into something interesting, smirk pretty obvious on his face.

"What did you _do_?"

"You know what I did."

Cable closed his eyes and tried his hardest not to grin himself. He wouldn't give Wade the satisfaction when he was acting so childishly even if it was funny.

"The poor man."

"Eh, it's only 11 times this time. I'm not a complete monster. And there's one "It's not unusual' in between."

An amused snort hit Cable full force before he could fight it off and Wade's grin grew even wider.

"Gotcha."

"Wow. I think I might actually be drunk for once. How much money did we spend on drinks?"

"Dunno." Cable shrugged. "All of it was Neena's money anyway."

Somehow that was the funniest thing Wade had heard all day. He had to grab the edge of the table to stay halfway upright from giggling like a madman and slapped its surface with his flat right hand.

"She's gonna cut our balls off and make a very ugly purse out of it."

"Yup."

Now Cable was laughing, too and it transformed his face from his usual grim dark expression into quite a handsome and gentle-looking one. It did things to Wade that he, even drunk, blamed entirely on the two bottles of Tequila he had just downed. Wade couldn’t seem to pull his eyes away from his friend’s face and kept starring like a creep. Cable’s laughter died down enough for him to get a grip on himself again and once he opened his two mismatched eyes, Wade got pulled into the vortex like a solar system into a black hole and Wade could swear he himself was also getting spaghettified on his stupid stool in this trashy bar in a rather insignificant city. The moment between them seemed to stretch into infinity and Wade’s body and mind got pulled further and further away from reality into the gravitational pull of Cable and wasn’t it ridiculous how this guy could affect him when Wade didn’t even know his real name?

Cable blinked lazily and the moment was gone but the weird feeling stayed behind. As they had for the past 5 months and Wade had the horrible suspicion that they weren’t suddenly going to disappear no matter how much he wanted them to. So Wade put on his brightest grin, downed another few shots of tequila, rocked back on his chair and kept enjoying their boys night out together.

The seventh rendition of 'What's new pussycat' faded and the entire bar held their breath, hoping that this was finally the last one in the playlist. But then the song started yet again with a loud fanfare and Wade's favorite sentence at the moment.

"What's new pussycat?!"

The customers of Snakes and Ladders lost their collective minds. One guy broke a table in his rage, several other costumers fled the establishment without even paying their bills while the bar owner was too busy trying to figure out how to rip the power cord out of the wall to end this continued nightmare of sound and destruction.

Wade loved every single second of this evening and there was only one way to make it even better.

"Time for a battle royale! And to whoever is left standing: next round's on us. WOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!"

They had to go through three other bars before they finally arrived at a tattoo parlor and Wade's mood suddenly picked up quite a bit. You could almost describe him as gleeful. Wade rubbed his hands together a few times and turned to his stoic companion.

"So wanna own up to whatever embarrassing thing you now got stuck on your skin?"

"It's not embarrassing." But Cable didn't sound overly sure of that.

Wade's wide grin was stretching the garbled skin around his mouth until it turned into a fairly good cosplay of Freddy Kruger right after he had been burned to death by a mob of angry parents. Wade was really glad he didn't have to look at this nightmare fuel every single day. He didn't even posses a mirror anymore. What was the point anyway? Wasn't like he had to check if his hair was looking good or anything. No longer had to worry about pimples either because now he just had purulent blisters and the most horribly scarred face that people had actual trouble reading his facial expressions.

Except for Cable but Wade was very sure that bastard was cheating somehow. Did his telepathy work on Wade in this franchise? Did Cable even have mind powers here? He must at least have some telekinesis judging by how his gun kept flying back towards him.

"Then why don't you tell me what it is?" He continued to needle Cable, fully hoping to make him snap and finally lift the mystery. It wasn't as if Wade would figure it out anyway so better to get it over with now than span it over another 5 pages of writing. He was actually doing Cable a favor here and that surely should be appreciated. Cable seemed to think otherwise and kept his mouth tightly shut but Wade could see his resolve crumble. Just a bit more poking Cable's obviously bad temper and he would be exactly were Wade wanted him.

"You know you can just admit that you got my initials tattooed right over your butt. I won't even judge you for your horrible tramp stamp."

And that must have done the trick seeing as Cable growled.

"It's my daughter's name! On my rips," He said with a snarl. "And her date of birth."

And now Wade felt like an ass.

Of course it would be about his daughter. Wasn't everything with the big half metal man? He went back in time for her to save her, fully knowing that he would never really see her again, not the version of his daughter he had actually known for all these years, and he'd still done it. Cable's number one priority would always be Hope and Wade could totally get that. While there hadn't been a baby yet with him and Ness, as soon as she'd said she was willing to go for a child, Wade had already fallen in love with the idea and their not yet existing kid. He'd never thought that he would actually be capable of paternal feeling for anyone, let alone someone that was made up of his own DNA but it had happened. And with Ness' death, he hadn't just lost her but his chance to be a father as well. He couldn't even imagine ever having a kid with someone that wasn't Vanessa. So of Course Cable had wanted a constant reminder of his daughter in a temporary state where his brain wasn't talking to the responsible brain cells he must posses by the thousands.

"Well, that must have been one confused tattoo artist." was his lame reply.

The door of the tattoo parlor had a little bell above it that was a nice but weird touch to the place. Otherwise it looked like a Hot Topic employee had vomited all over it. Walls? Dark Red. Little couches to sit on while waiting? Black. Register and cash till? Red and black. Tattoo dude's clothes and hair? Also all black with a hint of barf green. Cable had seen trash in Wade’s bedroom look prettier than this before he had more or less forced the mercenary to clean his trash pile before Cable did it for him. Sometimes he wondered whether he was talking to an adult or his 8 year old daughter again.

Tattoo dude actually looked up when he heard the bell ring and seemed to recognize them which considering Cable's bulk and Wade's _face_ wasn't actually all that difficult. He smiled, even closed the magazine he had been thumbing through and put it to the side to turn his attention fully to them. For someone who willingly tattooed drunk people in the middle of the night, he at least seemed like a decent guy.

"The T-800 returns! I hope you're well, my dudes. Looked like a rough night for you."

Cable looked at Wade with a raised eyebrow as if to ask what they had told tattoo guy. Usually Wade was the one who rescued him in these kind of situations seeing as he still hadn’t fully grasped the majority of 21 st  century language. But Wade didn’t look like he was going to help him whatsoever this time around.

"Everything okay with the newest addition to your body?"

Cable seemed confused for a moment before the words started to make sense to his brain.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." He shot a quick glance at Wade who was already leaning against the counter in a pretty relaxed manner, elbows on top of the wood, chin in hands. His eyes looked sharp and Cable was concerned about his own well-being for a moment. What was going on in the moron's brain? For a split second, Cable could swear Wade looked not just awake but _aware_ . As if he was about to look behind the curtain of their universe and finally see it's inner workings and _understand_. As soon as it had appeared the manic look disappeared from Wade's eyes.

The weird feeling didn't leave Cable entirely. He knew the other man was a strange creature. Born and raised in Cable's far away past but he wouldn't have been able to fit better into the future if he tried. As much as Cable had loved his wife Aliya, she had always been soft at her core. And while Wade's sharp wit and unhealthy coping mechanisms reminded him of his lost love, Wade was a very different breed indeed.

Where Aliya's wit came from being raised in a household full of outspoken women and leaders, Wade's came from pure survival; the very first weapons in his arsenal were his sharp mind and sharper tongue. Where Aliya joked about her own shortcomings out of momentary insecurity, Wade's was pure self-hatred. Aliya had survived in a world that was out to kill everything still living inside it while Wade survived out of pure spite in a world that seemed to be out to get him specifically. Aliya had a kind and soft heart by nature but Wade could be just as kind and warm even if his life had tried to beat it out of him over and over again. Two very different people that were similar in enough ways that both of them could hold Cable's interest from the very first moment.

Cable had felt guilty at first. He wasn't even in mourning yet; still in denial about what had happened and enraged enough to set out to kill an innocent child. Wade stopping him from committing a horrible crime was one of the best things that ever happened to him and Cable couldn't help but be thankful towards the mercenary.

At first, he had stayed with Wade because it was convenient. He was stranded in a time far away from his own, not knowing anyone or having any legal documentation. Thankfully Wade had known just the right people to help with that little problem as well and after staying with the old lady Althea for a few days, they had gotten an apartment together. Cable didn't have the right connections yet to make his own money and why being alone might not be the right idea for either of them at the moments. So they silently agreed to live together for a bit and a few weeks turned into months and then an entire year.

Cable would be lying if he didn't admit that he had grown at least fond of Wade Wilson over all this time. Wade made him laugh about the stupidest things when he wanted to do everything but that. He kept Cable's loud thoughts away with his constant chattering and Cable would never tell Wade that but he liked his strange but appealing timbre and had fallen asleep to Wade rambling on about nothing in the room right next to his several times. Wade also had a unique perspective on life and while that could drive Cable up the wall at times, mostly it was oddly refreshing and showed solutions to his problems he hadn't even thought of before. What Cable was willing to openly admit was that Wade was one of the best fighters that he had ever met. Not many could go toe to toe with Cable like Wade did. Mutation or none. It made a thrill go through Cable's body whenever the two of them sparred and he wasn't entirely sure anymore whether it was excitement or actual arousal. Things had gotten a bit awkward between them for a bit after Cable had realized this.

He knew Wade thought he was attractive. The mercenary wasn't very subtle about it and while he tried to deny it a lot, Cable had noticed all the heated glances being thrown his way, all the tension-filled moments between them where they suddenly were just a bit too close for casual acquaintances, all the seemingly innocent touches that lingered a bit too long.

Cable had known they would end up in bed for a long time now and hadn't been the least bit surprised when it had finally happened. Wade still didn't seem to be okay with it though so Cable tried to keep a professional distance even though now that his hands had finally been allowed to touch Wade's usually hidden skin, he couldn't seem to get it out of his mind.

Back at the hotel he had caught himself wanting to put a hand on the small of Wade's back, his hips, his arm, his face. And even right now, Cable had to fight the urge to put a hand right above the red hood lying limp over his shoulders and on the back of Wade's neck. But he doubted Wade would allow such an openly affectionate gesture without a fight and fighting him was the last thing Cable wanted to do right now.

Wade's overly cheerful voice rang through the tattoo studio as he happily chattered on about one of his TV shows with the tattoo artist and Cable even recognized some names here and there.

"Man, I came to care so much about Monét X Change."

"Yeah, Monét was the best! Even though the sponge thing was getting old pretty quickly," Wade pondered. "I get it was kind of her trademark at that point but still. Latrice on the other hand-"

"She was such a bitch!"

Wade nodded along. "How the mighty have fallen." He chuckled and then turned more serious again. Ready to finally solve the puzzle of their last night adventures. "While I love chatting with you again, mi amigo, we're here on a mission."

The tattooist blinked slowly before raising both of his eyebrows and uttering: "Is this about the flamingos?"

"Ehm...what flamingos?"

Cable could see Wade was just as lost. Flamingos? What the hell did they want to do with Flamingos? Was this another one of Wade's harebrained plans?

"Wow. How smashed were the two of you?"

Cable grimaced and tried his best to not look like he was ashamed of his actions. It had happened and now he had to live with it. _What is, is_ as the Clan Mother used to say. All that was left to do now, was figure out how to go forward from here.

"Let's just agree it was a little bit too much for my short friend here and that we are in dire need of help to figure out what happened."

Tattoo guy shrugged.

"Told you yesterday already, not the weirdest thing that happened to me. Mutants, telepaths, time travelers. Why not. Who even knows anymore with all these super powered beings around. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of my costumers turned out to be aliens from Mars."

Wade probably loved that weird outlook on life. Cable was sure of it.

"So did we say or do anything while we were here? Where we wanted to go next maybe?"

"You mean beside getting a tattoo? Let me think for a sec." He put his own chin in his left hand and drummed the fingers of his left hand on the table, seemingly lost in thought. Cable and Wade shared an awkward look. The guy didn’t really seem like the sharpest tool in the box so who knew what little memory he would come up with if he still had to think about it.

"Nah, I'm sorry, man. Can't really remember. I guess I was too high."

Wade suddenly barked out a laugh and Cable jammed his elbow into the side of the mercenary’s stomach to shut him up again. Wade wheezed beside him, air suddenly gone, and held the spot of his belly where Cable had hit him. Cable felt guilty for a moment before he saw that Wade was still laughing, just without any sound, figured the idiot must be fine and continued his questioning.

"Did we ask about flamingos?"

Tattoo guy shrugged again.

"Not really. Your man here," He lazily pointed at Wade who was now starting to right himself again. "Asked whether we have a zoo in this city. We don't but we do have a flamingo wildlife habitat in the middle of the city."

Cable suddenly had a horrible feeling where this conversation was headed. He hoped no one had died and nothing been set on fire. He really needed to check the news again. Knowing both of them it could have ended in at least a spectacle.

"And what happened then?"

"Well, your friend got really excited and dragged you off to see the flamingos as soon as we were finished. Did you manage before some asshole stole them last night?"

An uncomfortable pause stretched between the three of them.

Wade realized what had happened.

Cable did the same.

Tattoo guy still seemed oblivious but he really didn't seem like the kind of person to call the cops and continued on: "Man, what kind of bastard would steal these poor flamingos?"

Obviously forced laughter left Wade's throat and he backed away from the counter he had once again been leaning on.

"Haha! Yeah, who would ever do that?" His laughter died down quickly though. Wade was normally a good actor when it counted but right now his skill seemed to fail him and he gave up his facade.

"Oh fuck! Who am I kidding?" Wade threw his hands up in the air. "I would steal these flamingos - and I _did_!"

He pulled another pink feather out of his hoodie‘s front pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> Flamingo lingo:  
> "A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo."  
> \- Charley Harper
> 
> stressed depressed lemon zest:  
> https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1181485098023174144
> 
> what's new pussycat:  
> https://youtu.be/Mw7Gryt-rcc
> 
> Flamingo Wildlife Habitat:  
> https://eu.rgj.com/story/news/2019/07/31/inside-flamingos-las-vegas-strip-habitat/1830994001/
> 
> Short description of spaghettification:  
> https://science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-myth/what-if/what-if-fell-into-black-hole2.htm


End file.
